A Secret

I once prayed to have a baby girl.

Wow.  Feels good to get that off my chest!  I never even told Corey about it, and I can’t keep anything from him.

It was after Truman was born, but I can’t tell you exactly when. One day I was just thinking about the possibility of a little girl in our future and I felt this huge overwhelming desire to have one, so I hit my knees and asked.

I was sure to tell Heavenly Father that I love my boys and am so grateful for each of them.  I hope you know by now that I love those little boys more intensely than I love breathing and wanting a girl had nothing to do with them not being enough or not what I wanted in any way.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I told Heavenly Father that I loved them so much that if it was his plan just to send us boys that I was good with that. Buuuut…. if he didn’t miiiiind… perhaps we could have a girl too?

It was a pretty intense prayer, the kind that you don’t really have every day.  Lots of tears, and lots of personal things discussed. I wanted a girl, but I also had all kinds of fears about it that needed to be addressed too.  It was one of those prayers that left me feeling physically drained but emotionally and spiritually lighter when I was all done.  You know the feeling I’m sure.

Well…Guess what people?  That prayer has been answered.  We found out yesterday that a little lady is on her way to this house full of boys.  And yesterday evening I felt much like I did after that prayer.  It was a spiritually intense day that left me with a happy heart and a pounding head.  I cried lots of happy tears and wondered at the many blessings in my life.  You see… My mom was with me yesterday.  And heaven in general felt incredibly close.  I was caught off guard completely by just HOW close.  I was just expecting to find out the sex of the baby (which I had convinced myself was a boy, even though I can say now that for the last few weeks I have known was a girl.  I knew.  Didn’t tell anyone… maintained the “I think it’s a boy,” or “I don’t know,” story even to Corey, but I knew.)  I wasn’t expecting such an outpouring of the spirit too.

Messages were received all day long… mostly things I needed and longed to hear and feel from my mom on such a special day.  Oh how I miss and love her! How grateful I am to know that she isn’t really that far from me!

But some of them were just little bits of information:  The name I loved (Lane/Elaine) isn’t right. Corey will be the one who finds and chooses her first name, and it will be perfect. Hmmm.  Interesting… and totally fine with me!  The middle name will still be Elizabeth of course, and to me I think she shall always be my Beth.

My Beth.  My daughter.  A girl!  I can’t think of it without tearing up.  I keep noticing darling little girls and thinking of what it will be like… Hoping it will be a lot like what I had with my mom… Hoping I can be the kind of mother to this baby that she was to me… Then there’s the fun stuff:  Nail painting… hair doing… shopping… talking… ooooh!

Anyway.  I could go on, but I know you’d like to hear how the boys took the news!

I bought “oons,” as Truman calls them:

And made cupcakes.  Two of each (balloons and cupcakes) came along in the car with Truman and I as we picked up Jack and Alaster from school.


The boys hopped in, and I pulled over to a stall in the lot.  I said “I have a surprise for you boys!”  They knew we were finding out that day… we had placed both bets and hopes the night before.  They both had bet on a boy, but Jack still hoped for a girl.  Alaster had mysteriously changed ships and was hoping for a boy these past few weeks.  Anyway, I handed them the balloons first expecting a reaction.  Nothing.  Okay… out came the cupcakes!  “Thanks mom!”  But still… NOTHING!  So I gently prodded.

Me:  “Do you notice what color they are boys?”
Jack:  “Yeah.  Pink. So?”
Me: “Jack what did I do today?”
Jack: “Oh wait!  Are we having a girl?!?
Me: “Yep!”
Jack/Aly: “YESSSS!”/”NOOOO!”



Alaster is the sweetest boy, but when he wants to be a stinker about something he is really a stinker.  There’s no changing his mind.  I kept trying to comfort him but he wasn’t having it.  He just turned everything I said around.

Me: “Oh Aly.  You’re going to love her!  She’s your sister!
Aly: “No!  I’m going to hate her!  She’s your sister!”

Later he said he didn’t want her girl things in our house.  Haha!  Don’t worry.  This is Alaster we’re talking about.  He’ll come around!

But Jack is already there.  He’s over the moon!  With his homework the teacher sent home a “getting to know you,” type worksheet.  I read it when he was done and look what I found:


What a sweet boy!

“And Corey?”  I can hear you ask.  Well…  Corey is good!  He’s surprised.  He’s happy.  He’s nervous.  He just doesn’t know what it’s like to have a little girl in the house!  No sisters and all…  But he’s happy for sure, and I know he’s going to be so good with her!  After all, he loves me. And someone very wise once said that’s the most important thing.

After snacks and homework I decorated the rest of the cupcakes girly-style and we delivered them to some friends and people that moved into our quad.  Nothing says “Girl,” like chocolate, pale pink and pearls…


So what do you think?  Can you picture us with a girl?  Can you picture me with a girl?  What do you think she’ll be like?  Super girly?  Super sporty?  Quiet?  Spunky?  Sweet?  Smart?

One thing we know she’ll be for sure:  Loved.

13 thoughts on “A Secret

  1. we are all a puddle of tears at our house- you will have a wonderful little girl to go along with your wonderful little boys!!! We are missing you all sooo much!

  2. I got choked up reading this! That is amazing Ashlee! Congratulations! You will be an amazing mom to a new daughter! I’m sure she’ll be just as precious and beautiful as a you! Inside and out! Love ya.

  3. Oh how I love to see PINK in your house!!! And Corey is going to be fabulous with a girl. Have him ask Brandon…it’s a pretty great relationship. He gets teary over it all the time. The last time we watched Father of the Bride he sobbed. 😉

  4. we are OH SO THRILLED FOR YOU! This girl is going to be beautiful and close to the spirit, just like her momma! Jeff was pretty shocked when he first heard the news that we were having a girl, but now he can’t imagine it being any other way. I can’t wait to see how her presence changes the dynamic of your home. It’s going to be AWESOME!

    I’m familiar with praying and crying and feeling drained yet spiritually uplifted at the same time… I think it goes hand in hand with spiritually-guided parenthood :).

    You have a baby girl in your tummy!!! Ahh!

  5. Oh Asher! I am so happy for you!!!!!!! This whole time I have been saying “I want her to have a girl… I’m sure it will be a boy but I want it to be a girl, she needs a daughter.” I got a call from Curtis this morning (he gets email updates on his phone) we got the blog post forwarded to us from my mom. He said “Hon, we got an email from your mom I think you want to read it, it’s Ashlee’s blog.” I screamed “IT’S A GIRL!” Before he said another word! I cried the rest of the way to work because I am so happy! Then I read your whole post and I cried some more! I love you so much and I am so happy for you! My friend says he dad said “there is no feeling better than holding and looking at your baby girl. Don’t get me wrong I love my sons but to hold my daughter there is something special about that.” Can’t wait for more updates!

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