So did you believe the half-hearted happy ending to my post yesterday? Did you think I really felt better?
‘Cause I didn’t.
But I didn’t sit around and wallow in my feelings of inadequacy and sadness too much longer either. I decided we would try not to waste the rest of the day, so I packed the boys up and we headed to a most beloved park.
The boys were playing so great with each other. Jack was a bandit and Alaster was trying to catch him. They had brought their scooters, and this park has plenty of sidewalks going all over the place. There’s also a bunch of hills and trees to hide in… the perfect setting for a game of cat and mouse. Truman was being likewise adorable. He kept running up the ramp to the playground, then running back down again enjoying the increase in speed that gravity gave him on the way down. His eyes would get wide, from both exhilaration and fear as he ran down, sometimes all the way to the bench I sat at, over and over again.
I loved watching them play. So much. Summer is about being outside and laughing till you can’t breathe and running so fast and hard that you end up collapsing on the grass. And yesterday, at the park, my boys did all of those things.
As I watched them play I remembered another afternoon we had spent at the park this summer. We brought a frizbee with us that time and played with each other for the longest time. All 4 of us. Jack was patient and encouraging with the not-so-accurate throws of his brothers, and we had a fantastic time.
I’m sure to onlookers it didn’t look like anything out of the ordinary, and I guess it wasn’t really, but you know what? It was magical all the same. I remember thinking “there’s nothing in the world I’d rather be doing right now than this!”
Sometimes I think I get too caught up in the “what I’d like to be doing’s,” that I forget the simple truth that having time together, time where I am truly present, enjoying my children, no matter what we are doing is the most important thing. Those are the times that strengthen bonds and show our love. I still think it’s important to do everything I said yesterday… teach them, encourage their creativity, etc. And yes, I’m sad I didn’t do more of it this summer… But to say that our summer hasn’t been something to remember warmly is just silly. We’ve had lots of ordinary… extraordinary moments.
I need to be better (I think MOST of us need to be better) at recognizing the things we have done instead of always dwelling on the things we haven’t.
Just so that I could say we did something “special,” on day 18 of our countdown to school, I asked the boys after the park if they wanted to go to McDonald’s and get an ice cream cone and play in the play place. You should know that they ask to go to McD’s on a regular basis and I regularly deny them, so they were both surprised and pleased at my offer.
Truman had fries because he would never dream of touching an ice cream cone.
All afternoon I had been wishing Corey were with us, so we picked him up a little ice cream treat of his own and went to his office for a visit. We love to drop in on our Hard-Working-Daddy!
The evening was still a little rough for me emotionally (and physically as always) but I think I have to just chalk that up to hormones, because my mind really had settled down on the matter of a “bummer summer.”
My hormonal/emotional state this pregnancy is the biggest reason that I wonder if this baby will surprise us and actually be a little girl (I wasn’t quite like this with the other ones!). My bet is still on another Burton Boy, but I guess we’ll know for sure on August 20th!!!
Hope you are having a good day everyone. I am. For REAL this time 🙂